We'll always have Infertility...

Everything is just truckin' along here. Nothing much to report.

I've been thinking about what will happen when Baby comes with respect to my blogging here; do I stop? take a hiatus until we (hopefully, one day) try for number 2? do I continue blogging all of her little milestones? do I just post, once in a while, when I have an insane-infertile rant I need to get out there?

I'm really torn about this.

I've had several women privately email me about my posts over the years; women going through the same thing, women encouraging me and women whom I've encouraged by sharing my experiences, pain, and essentially what is my take on being an infertile struggling to have a family.

Right now, I'm leaning towards calling it quits. Ending on what will be the highest note this blogger could achieve - motherhood. Perhaps coming back and posting if we decide to do more treatments in the future, perhaps not.

I want this to be a safe place where people going through this shitty disease called infertility can go for years to come and read my crazy rantings, share my tears, feel my pain - all with the purpose of knowing they're not alone. They'll never be alone. That despite our astronomically shitastic odds, my husband and I beat them - that in and of itself should inspire hope in someone out there in the blogosphere, longing to have a child to call their own.

If I post about Baby here once she's here, tangible, on this planet - it's no longer a safe place for those who need it to be. Someone else's baby pictures and posts about shitty diapers and sleepless nights are most certainly not an infertile's friend.

When I first really started this blog after my loss in July 2010, it was to mourn. To be angry at the world. To rant to someone. Anyone. No one at all.

My one suggestion to those reading this now suffering from IF if you haven't already - start a blog. Write in a diary. Get your feelings out there. It doesn't matter if anyone ever reads it or it's just there, a tool for you to use when you're feeling down. Some days, this blog was all that kept me going, kept me sane.

Blogging, my friends, is most certainly a type of therapy. Or it has been for me, at least. I think that's why, right now, I'm crying.

Because, for now, I'll continue to blog here until babe is born. And then, I think, we're off the air.