Gloomy.

Sometimes I feel as though I need to start thinking about a scenario where this never happens for us. What if the PGD cycles don't work for one reason or another. What if my husband, after the failed PGD, doesn't want to use a donor? What if I never get to be pregnant? What will life be like if we have to live it child-free?

I have to admit, I'm thinking of these things more and more lately; I'm not sure if it's the weather or the fact that I'm lonely and stressed, but this shit keeps popping into my head. I have to say, though, at least I haven't seen a pregnant lady in a while. Those days are bad. I know I should be happy for them, but I'm not. I'm jealous of them, but even more so, I'm sad for myself.