To renew, or not to renew:

that is the question.

For the better part of two years, I have been charting my cycles. Every morning I wake up, stick a thermometer in my mouth (and not just any thermometer, a basal body thermometer) and then log the temperature on the display in F.e.r.t.i.l.i.t.y.F.r.i.e.n.d (FF). Every.Day.

Then, when I get to be around my 'Go Time' (O time is Go time, ladies!! ) I pee on a stick or two. And then I log THAT result into FF.

Every time I burp, fart or sneeze - I mark it in FF. And I still do it, despite the fact that my hubby's not even in the same vicinity as myself and hasn't been for months.



I thought to myself today: why? (again, I'm thinking this, in less than a months time I'm posting about it again. SHE NEVER LEARNS. lol)

Anyway. My FF account (VIP membership...) is about to expire within the next month and I'm starting to think that I won't bother renewing it. At least if I don't renew it I won't have all of the little perks that come with VIP and maybe not having those perks will piss me off enough that I won't use it anymore? Maybe?

And of course I'll save the $45 or $50 that it costs to have the VIP.

And I really don't even know why I even have the VIP membership; I could write a fucking charting program I'm so pro now.

I'm grasping at straws here. I'm trying to relinquish control or relax or something. I don't know anymore.  All I know is that after like 19 cycles of charting or something crazy like that it couldn't be good for me to be doing this anymore. It really couldn't.

I think I keep doing it (charting) because it makes me feel like at least I'm doing something whether it helps or hinders or does nothing at all for me, at least I'm doing *something*. At least I have control over *something*.

Actually, come to think of it, I'm not even sure why I still have my chart in the nav bar above. Who cares? Who is going to look at it, really, especially if you know me, our current living status and the limbo hell we're in with the IVF/PGS?