Ah, control. Gotta love it.

So given the fact that it seems as though lately I have very little control over the more significant things in my life, I'm making every effort lately to control as much of the little things as possible.

For instance, my addiction to order has taken on a whole new level. I now know the beauty of the label maker. How, how, did I live my life, all 31 years of it, up until this point without one of these blessed machines? They're inexpensive little Type-A enablers. I never thought I could love a little machine so much.

Needless to say my townhouse has become just a little more organized. (which my mother would tell you is just me being even more needlessly anally retentive.) And, I love it. I revel in it. Just a little bit more I can control.

And today, while the snow falls incessantly outside my window, I cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned. And it felt good, as it always does. When I'm stressed, upset, sad, I clean. Which essentially means that the last few months my house has been pretty damned spotless. But it's something I can control - something that gives me satisfaction at the end of the day.

As I sit hear blogging now, folding laundry at the same time (mama raised a multi-tasker, baby) I'm watching the documentary 'Babies'.

My husband recorded it on the PVR months ago, but I haven't had the emotional energy or strength to even attempt to read the description of what it's about. But today, I though to hell with it, I'm going to watch it. Get it off the box.

You know what? I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's making me laugh, smile and cringe all at once. Fantastique.

Funny how an 80 minute movie can remind me that yes, I can do this. And yes, it IS worth all the trying and all of the heartache. How mommas all over the world raise babies in tougher conditions than we'll ever know.

Who cares about the money. Who cares that we'll be broke. We'll make it work, some way, some how. We'll make it work.