Ignorance is bliss.

I (personally) wouldn't wish infertility (IF) on my worst enemy. Ok, maybe on my worst enemy, but still - you get what I mean.  Some days, I feel so down and out about all that's happened, and about all that has to happen in the future in order to even have a shot at knowing what it's like to be pregnant and stay pregnant; to know what it's like to give birth, to breast feed, to hold your own flesh and blood in your arms consoling them through a colicky night; to see them off to school on their first day - and the list goes on.

I'm always moved by how others around me dealing with infertility cope with the hardballs which life inevitably throws at them. Not only do they have to deal with the every day trials which all of us grown-ups face, but they have to deal with the tribulations of fertility treatments, miscarriages, painful tests and procedures, and the ongoing failure of modern medicine to make them what they want more than anything in life: to be a mommy.

And then I meet a lovely group of women (you know who you are) who are awe inspiring. They really and truly are.

To see them in the face of adversity on a daily basis, and to watch them handle extremely emotional, stressful and agonizing situations with absolute grace and elegance gives me hope. I think I find comfort in knowing those who truly care; who really 'get' it; who don't judge me when I'm feeling down and critical of others; who support me and whom I can support when life goes to shit.

'Cause sister, more often than not lately, it's gone to shit.

I admit - I'm jealous of those out there who don't have to spend thousands to have a chance at having a child. I'm jealous of those ladies who have never experienced a loss and those who don't have any troubles getting pregnant. I'm even a little jealous of my friends who started trying with me 2 years ago and already are on their second child. I'm jealous of those couples who set out to have 5 kids knowing that I'll probably only ever afford to have one.

But most of all, I'm jealous of those who are ignorant to what infertility is - because they've never needed to know. In this case, ignorance truly is bliss. And for this, I am glad for them, I really am. I would love to be in their situation - I would give almost anything.

However, the Universe has other ideas in store for me. So, I plug along. I work at being more supportive to those who need it, and more patient of those who don't.

One thing I concentrate on, and try and remind myself daily is how much I will appreciate, love and nurture my child after everything it took to have them here on the face of this Earth. That I'll teach my child to be sensitive to other's feelings (and most importantly to never ask people about their intentions on having children...) and I'll apologize for spending their college fund on (ahem) trying to conceive them...

I just hope and pray that one day I will have a babe to hold, and that all of my friends who've supported me through the years will have the same.