- Don Henley
Am I the only one out there, that, given this miracle actually works and I get pregnant and actually carry a baby to term, is a little worried that the first time I hold that babe I'm going to have a "HOLY SHIT." moment?
Think about it. We've all been trying for eons. And trying. And poking. And prodding. And testing. We've been focused on TTC and ART for so long now that I find it difficult to even imagine things like baby showers and nurseries and shopping and actually changing a shitty diaper.
Tell me I'm not alone. Please.
When I first started TTC it was all sunshine and fucking lollipops. I had a nursery theme that was gender neutral (because of course, we'd be team green! [rolls eyes. obviously prior to the 'strong suggestion' that we do amnio]) and my friends and I were going to be on mat leave together, and I had baby clothes picked out, and a crib set narrowed down...
Flash forward: 3 years. 2 fertility clinics. So many genetic scientists and doctors I couldn't tells ya how many anymore. Uh, to date? 19 self injections (which isn't a lot at ALL); 50 sniffs of shitty nose-spray hormones; 21+ days on a birth control pill that should be fucking banned; countless bloodtests, ultrasounds; 2 general anesthetics; a D&C; a laparoscopic surgery; and...
I'm no longer planning the nursery colours or debating whether I'll have an anatomy scan or not, etc. The innocence is completely and utterly gone. Gone.
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6 comments on "Am I alone?"
Absolutely right with you!! I couldn't have said it any better myself!!!
I really hope we get our "Holy Shit" moments!
Know exactly how you feel about how loss and IF take the innocence and joy out of TTC/pregnancy.... I wish it was easier for us and really do hope that we all have our Holy shit moment soon :)) xoxo
I am so with you. So absolutely. Besides the actual trying, since we can't seem to get past waiting. But yes. Absolutely. And I really hope you get your Holy Shit moment, really soon!! xoxo
Hi... I've just awarded you a Versatile and/or Stylish Blogger Award :) Follow the link below and take your pick of which award you'd like and spread the love to other blogs you love :) It means so much to me to be sharing this roller-coaster ride of loss/TTC with you all. Love for ICLWeek :)) xoxo
http://newyearmum.blogspot.com/2011/05/more-blog-awards-for-extra-happy-start.html
Nope. Totally not alone.
To me, its getting to the end of one waiting list, to start on another wait for something.
Then for ivf it will be
-are there enough follicles?
-are there too many?
-did any fertilise?
-did any carry on growing?
-how many are viable?
-did they take?
-have we made it out of the 1st trimester?
I'm sure there are more, but it does feel like I am so focused on the small goals that the bigger goal isn't really dwelt upon
Totally - I can't actually imagine the whole holding a baby part. Just getting pregant is a bizarre enough concept at that moment!
I hope you get your 'holy shit' moment... and all the rest of them that come with it.
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