I'm wondering now if we'll try again 'naturally'. Not to say that it will ever actually happen, but still. Do I think that I'll be able to eventually, one day, be able to handle the possibility of a miscarriage and then be strong enough to go through one if it ever happened?
The thought of trying naturally again actually scares me a bit. Before, it's all we thought about and were excited about every month. Then the BFP actually happened, and we lost our little bean early in the second trimester.
Logically, I know that odds are we lost him or her because of the genetic issue. And although we/they don't know for sure, the doctors are all thinking the same thing. But since the miscarriage in July, we've been avoiding, waiting for my body to heal in order to undergo IVF/PGS.
And now I'm scared to even think about trying again naturally. I'm actually a little scared to even be having unprotected sex at this point, to tell you the God's honest truth.
Our chances of conceiving every month are less than 1%. Our chance of miscarriage is upwards of 50%. And the thought of a mentally challenged child honestly scares the living crap out of me.
Ha! I just realized, sitting here, that I'm already planning out what's going to happen when our IVF cycles don't work and we don't have any more money left.
Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy to be so.... 'negative', I guess? It's in my nature to plan, to have contingencies in place. And maybe I'm just thinking about this crap because we're getting close to cycling again; I'm sure if I looked back in my posts prior to my cycle attempt #1 I could find a similar topic of one-sided conversation.
Don't mind me. I'm rambling. :p
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6 comments on "What will we do?"
Totally normal to think of those scenerios. I don't think it's being "negative". I think it's a way of coping so that if God forbid you ever get to that point, at least you have a plan! I do the same thing all the time too :)
Thanks From.
I know *logically* I'm just being realistic, but then I feel that negativity creeping in again... KWIM?
Anyway. :)
xoxox
Hun I agree with From. I think it is totally normal to have contingency plans when we have been disappointed time and time again. I don't think you are being negative, I just think you are trying to cope.
I have everything crossed that this one will be it for you and you won't have to worry about this stuff anymore!!!
xoxo
Belle
I agree with From! It's completely natural to want to have a plan b, in case plan a doesn't work out. To have an idea of where you will go from there.
I don't think it's necessarily a self-fulfilling prophecy to be so negative either. I sort of see it as in some ways a protective mechanism - to not get too excited or hopeful that things will work out this time so you won't be devastated if it doesn't work out.
But I have hope for you and everything crossed that this cycle works its magic for you.
xoxo
I share your anxieties... and always have to plan a long way ahead - not a good combination with IF and pregnancy loss. Here with you every step of the way xoxo
I love this post. Haven't quite got to quitting coffee yet although people keep 'suggesting' I should. I see it as I've got to have some things of normality in my life, and if there's no date to work with and we are still tta technically, why the fuck not?!
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